I AM GETTING FAT

Erin M Murphy

The Earth is fighting for her life while humans hide behind little screens.

Those who do not have the means to possess little screens, are being asked to put the fight for their own lives on pause. The fighting Earth is begging anyone paying attention, to join her army. Humanities circumstances, stories, and traumas, are being interrupted by Earth’s desperate call.

And here I stand in my living, complaining again about getting fat. It’s true. I’m getting fat. I’ve been getting fat since I was a kid. Now, in my thirties I’m still getting fat. The fat becoming, worsens with age.

One time, I was in bed with a manic man.

I was riding on top when he said, “I like it. You look more like a woman.”

I wasn’t complaining about getting fat, then. He was just noticing for himself aloud.

Hiding behind my little screen isn’t the first place I go.

You will find me hiding behind another human, if seeking is part of your game. Crouched underneath reflections of unworthiness, pressed up against a mirror dressed as man.

That’s where I will be. If you choose to look.

Do you choose to look?

To search? To see?

The little screen presents a false promise.

“Ignore all else. Choose to look into my face, and you will be granted the power to create your own world.” It says.

You’re smart enough to be skeptical, still you choose to believe.

How can it be possible to be deceived by something so small; something that fits so perfectly inside your palm?

You rationalize your choice.

You watch “the world you’re creating” scroll in slow motion with each flick of your thumb.

Are you aware watching is not seeing?

I am hiding behind mirror dressed as man.

Small traces of light are strobing in the background reflection, coming from the flick of your thumb.

I don’t notice.

I am getting fat.